Princess Charming

Recently a lot of my Facebook friends have been posting links to articles from Christian blogs about marriage. I find them quite fascinating, so I've read a lot of them, but I'm noticing patterns beginning to emerge. A good portion of them are about how to pick the right man and the qualities and traits he should have. And they're all written by girls. And they're all perfectly accurate, but they're very idealistic.

I love Disney movies. I'm not kidding, I am borderline obsessed. And I adore Disney princesses. But I think growing up watching them has given me (and a lot of other people) this skewed idea that if we wait long enough our perfect Prince Charming will come sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous, and maybe you're thinking "I don't think that" but just hear me out. As a teenage girl, I think about boys a lot. Let's not even beat around the bush; it just comes with the territory. And I think a small part of me expects the one guy for me to do all the work. And if I think about that cognitively, I realize that's ridiculous. But if I let my emotions win over, that is how I truly think and I feel like I can't be alone in that.

We girls, especially Christian girls, have these perfect ideals for what our Prince Charming has to be like. You know, he has to be devoted to God and have a good work ethic and be humble. All of these things are good right? Right. And we all know that. At this point, I've heard it so much that these things have been drilled into my brain. But I think girls my age now need to stop focusing so much on their perfect Prince Charming and start focusing on themselves. Think about it: how is any wonderful guy like that going to fall for a plain old mediocre girl? Easy answer: he's not.

There's a great series by Andy Stanley called "The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating" which I believe you can find online, and in that series he uses the line "Be the person the person you're looking for is looking for." Just in case that was the most confusing sentence you've ever read (because it kind of is) here's a summary: If you want a humble guy, you need to work on being humble yourself. If you want a guy with a good work ethic, try to improve your own work ethic. If you want a guy who is devoted to God, devote yourself to God with zeal.

Someone who has cultivated himself to become the best he can be is not going to be interested in a girl who has done nothing to improve herself, the same way a girl isn't going to want a guy who is lazy and proud and apathetic. Relationships are a two way street. Says the 18 year old girl who has never been in a relationship in her life. That's not just romantic relationships, though. It pertains to every relationship. So if you're going to be in a romantic relationship, you have to fight to be your best self the same way you would in a friend relationship.

So keep thinking about what you want in a man, and start thinking about what you want in yourself.

Then go forth and be awesome.
Lisa