The Tangled Web We Weave

So I promise I have a point to this blog post and I swear I'm going to get there, because for a little bit here this might sound like a girly rant. Hang in there with me. It'll be worth it.

As a girl, I have had crushes on guys since at least middle school. And I've noticed in recent years that my crushes tend to end pretty badly. Not because something happens between me and those people, but because something happens within myself that makes everything rather unpleasant.

The first thing I've noticed is that I have a very active imagination. And in that, I can start to turn the person I have a crush on into someone they're not. When I do that, I begin having a crush on my idea of that person, and not the person himself. And that's obviously an issue, because then the person is not what I want and I've sort of made them an idol. And we all know that's no good.

The other thing that I'm just recently figuring out is this; along with having a very active imagination, when I have a crush I begin to have hopes and expectations of closeness with the person on whom I place my affection that are absolutely ridiculous. Because obviously, person-I-have-a-crush-on, you know, has absolutely no idea that I like them (or at least that's how I try to keep it. For whatever reason.) This in turn has two by-products. Firstly, I feel like I start to get weird and desperate and I sort of hate myself when I do that. Secondly, when those expectations are inevitably unfulfilled, because they always are, I get disappointed and start to think that said person doesn't even like me as a person and I become very insecure. And that's a very unhealthy thing. Because it's then that my self-worth becomes wrapped up in someone who is not myself nor God and that isn't where I should be placing my worth as a human being.

Now this is where I get to the part where I actually make a point. It's really important for me to tell other girls these things that I have dealt with because to be honest it just really sucks.

So to other girls out there:
Your worth is not based upon how other people see you, even (especially) the person you like.
Don't think a guy doesn't like you because they don't change the way they act towards you when you start liking them.
Don't spend your time analyzing how they act towards you; I guarantee they aren't thinking it out as hard as you are.


And just in case I haven't said it clearly enough yet

You are not worthless because a certain guy doesn't like you. You do not become more worthwhile if they do. You are worth more than diamonds because God says you are and He created you and He loves you and He will never. Stop. Loving. You.


Stay fabulous,
Lisa