Stress

Crashing weight

Pushing down upon my shoulders

Bending my back

Putting pain behind my eyelids

Temples pounding

Hands shaking

Like Atlas with his load

Burdened

Chained up to worry

Silent waves encroaching upon me

Pushing down my throat

Flooding my lungs

Drowning in unpleasantness of my own creation

Silent crying alone in the dark

Tears that threaten at any moment

Fleeting moments of peaceful rest

Only to be squashed by

Crushing

Ruining

Overwhelming

Stress. 

Current Events

Unless you've been living under a rock recently, you will probably have either seen or heard about the NSYNC reunion and Miley Cyrus's scandalous performance at the VMA's. If you've heard about neither, here's a recap:

Sunday night was the MTV music awards aka the VMA's. Last year the highlight was One Direction kissing Katy Perry and breaking their Moon-Man. This year was a bit more chaotic. First off, Justin Timberlake and his boyband NSYNC had a revival and performed their song "Bye Bye Bye" causing every NSYNC fan to go ballistic. Heck, I was too little to pay attention to NSYNC when they were big, but even I was excited.

And then there was the train wreck that was Miley Cyrus with Robin Thicke. I would show you a picture but trust me, you really don't want to see that. Let's just say it elicited reactions like this:

as well as a priceless one by Taylor Swift, who looked like she was watching Paranormal Activity. The performance basically consisted of Miley singing, twerking, and sticking her tongue out in a way that I think was supposed to be sexy but didn't really work all while half naked. And teddy bears. Lots and lots of teddy bears. *shudder*

It caused an even bigger stir than Lady GaGa in a thong.

In the midst of all this, you may not have heard about some other, much more serious things going on. It was brought to my attention by a friend on Facebook that the United States could be sending a missile strike to Syria as early as this Thursday.

Another Facebook friend posted this picture yesterday

Truth be told, I hadn't even heard that churches were being burned in Egypt, and according to an article on newsbusters.org, there's probably a reason for that. Big news stations have given it anywhere between fifteen seconds and five minutes of air time. Five minutes may seem like a lot, but not when you consider that some of these shows are two hours long. Full article here

I've seen lots of complaints on Facebook about how Miley's dancing is getting more attention than serious political issues, and while I agree with their opinions, I think there are definite reasons for what we care about and what we seem to ignore.

Firstly: What is it that we see all the time? We see celebrities and gossip and who has the "best beach bod." That's what the media feeds us because that is what is entertaining and when they don't, we turn off the tv because we don't want to hear about all the bad things going on in the world. Yesterday I was watching an episode of the show The West Wing where there were all sorts of crises going on and all the reporters cared about was what the First Lady was going to wear to a state dinner. And this show came out in 1999, so obviously times haven't changed that much.

Secondly: We don't want to hear it. That's a huge part of the issue, I think. We ignore it because it's sad or hard to understand and we just don't want to think about it if it doesn't affect us directly. We want to be blissfully ignorant.

Thirdly: Maybe this is just me, but I never actually hear about big issues until people get mad that no one is focusing on them. And then they get angry because there are serious things going on in the world and all we care about is, for instance, how excited we are about NSYNC or how disturbed we are by Miley Cyrus. But at the same time, there are always bad things happening in the world and it's impossible to focus on all of them and it's so much easier to talk about celebrities.

Anyway, I don't think I gave many solid answers in this post but I just needed to talk about it. Because I feel personally that I am not ignoring the fact that churches are being burned. It actually concerns me quite a bit. The problem is that I didn't hear about it. And that is a big problem.

Anyway, I need to start my homework. I've procrastinated long enough.
Lisa

P.S. If you are on of those people from Facebook that I mentioned, I'm not attacking you. Actually if it weren't for you I wouldn't know about this so really I'm thanking you.

Growin' Up and Learnin' Stuff

This post is kind of in two parts because I have a couple things to say and I'm too lazy to write two separate posts when hey, I can just combine them. 

So yesterday was the very first day of my senior year and today I sent in my first college application which scares me a little bit. I don't feel old enough for this at all. I feel like all my life, or at least as long as I've been in school, I've been looking forward to this point of my life. Graduating high school, going to college. And now that it's almost here, I'm having a hard time believing it. It's hard for me to imagine what life outside of school is like. Obviously I still have a ways to go before I find out because college involves quite a bit of school work, so I'm told. But it's getting closer and closer and I still can't imagine what it's like. 

This whole growing up thing leads me to part two, which is the learning stuff. And not like school stuff. 

There's this woman who I've seen a couple times at work and for not really good reasons, I've just judged her fairly harshly, and almost involuntarily. She's probably in her 40's or 50's, but she looks older than that. She is fairly tan with lots of freckles and she's thin to an extreme. Her hair is almost completely gray and she has a slightly gravely voice. From the first time I saw her I thought she seemed like the type of person who has been smoking for way too long, and I was pleasant when I served her, but I never made an effort to talk to her. 

Today this woman came in with her daughter. At first I didn't notice anything unusual about her. I vaguely noticed that she was pretty before going about my normal work. On walking past again, I noticed that she had a lazy eye, which didn't bother me all that much. While my coworker served them, I cut up a doughnut for samples and listened to them talk. The girl started telling he mom how she couldn't read out menu board, but she could see the lit up sign above it. It was not long after that I saw they had a service dog with them, and I realized that this girl must be legally blind. 

It was after this realization that I started to pay more attention to her mom. When she talked to her daughter, I could see the worry and the stress she felt and the love she had for her daughter. The girl must have been about my age, and I wondered how long her mom had watched her lose her sight, or if she hadn't had it well from the beginning. I thought about how hard that must have been for her mom to watch. And I suddenly felt horribly sorry for all the labels I had put on her in the two short times I'd seen her before. 

I seem to be constantly realizing recently that everyone has a life that's just as intricate and hard and personal as mine is. And yet every time it comes as a shock to me. You'd think I would get the point by now. And further than that, I realized that God loves me so much. People have told me that since I was born. But I suddenly remembered that God loves that woman the exact same ridiculous amount that everyone has always said he loves me. And to think that it's the same for every single person out of the billions of people on this planet just blows my mind. 

So that's what I've been thinking about lately. I hope something bothers you this week as much as my selfishness bothers me. Because when something about yourself bothers you, that's when you really start to change, I think. 

Off to beddy-bye land now so I can get up for school again tomorrow. 

Love you beautiful humans!

Lisa

Why I Hate Analogies

Growing up in a Christian household, I've basically been in Sunday School/youth group all my life. During those years, I have heard a lot of analogies. I'm sure other people have experienced this too. You'll be listening to a sermon or a talk or something and the speaker is explaining a phenomenon or a feeling and they stay "It's kinda like when..." fill in the blank. This isn't limited to Christian speakers either. Everyone has probably done this. Heck, I've done this. (See post entitled "Life is like A Giant Swing." Also "Early Morning Hours.")But they make me mad. Let me explain.

Analogies make me mad because they simplify life. Which is what they're intended to do. Analogies are used as a rhetorical device to make complicated ideas easier to understand. (Look at me using big words. In summer no less. *pats self on the back*) So I guess I'm not *technically* against analogies altogether. Like, if they're used in science class to get me to understand stoichiometry, I'm all for it. (Google says I'm spelling stoichiometry wrong and their only suggestion is psychometric. What.)

Really, the issue I have is when they're used in relation to life. Kinda like what I did with the giant swing thing. Okay fine. Sue me. But the reason they bother me is that they make life sound so easy and straight-forward when it really never is. And that just bugs me. So, for instance, with my giant swing analogy I said

"...when you're about to do something scary or potentially life changing, it's so easy to want to quit. But you have to do it yourself. You have to make the choice to let go of that purple fabric. Because clutching it for dear life gets you nowhere and you can't just sit on your butt and wait for someone else to do it."

Like, okay Lisa, thanks for sharing, go run along and play now. But letting go of a strip of fabric holding you in the air is astronomically easier than, for instance, making the decision to take someone off life support. Maybe that was a little dramatic but do you get my point? How about this: getting to the point of allowing yourself to swing freely through the air is hard, but it's WAYYYYYYYY easier than deciding what college to go to. And it's a lot easier to let go of a strip of fabric than it is to consider colleges other than the one you'd been planning to go to since you were ten. (Not speaking from personal experience or anything. Nope.)

I saw a quote on Pinterest today that I think will help explain some of what I'm trying to say, too. "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming." Kay great, thanks. But when you're knee deep in debt and you have small children running amuck around the house and the bills are due and you just found out that your basement is flooded, that quote isn't exactly going to make you feel better. (I'm actually not speaking from personal experience now, don't worry.) Or even when you just feel far from God and nothing you do seems to help, you're not going to go, "oh the arrow of life is just getting ready to launch me into the air. I'll be fine." And if you do... well... okay.

And plus, arrows are usually shot at, like, a target, and personally I don't want my head smacking into target no matter how close to the bulls-eye it is.

Stay cool,
Lisa

I Miss Camp: Day 7

This time last week I was still at theatre camp. Geeze that seems like forever ago. I can't believe I've only been home for a week. I still miss it so badly. I don't think it's ever taken me this long to get over a camp experience. Here's my theory for why.

Okay, I spent an entire week with dramatic theatre kids. We did all kinds of things that aren't necessarily normal. One of my favorite examples was Wednesday night when we went to see Wicked. We went out to eat beforehand at the Spaghetti Warehouse (which I just learned is supposed to be haunted. WHAT.) and we were in the upper room where they put groups. There was one other group up there with us, and they were doing some kind of awards thing. I honestly don't even know what this group was. It looked like a women's group of some sort. But they were applauding for the women who won awards, and so all of us theatre campers just kind of spontaneously burst into applause with them, which made it like 10x louder because there were so many of us. And those people enjoyed it so much. One woman took a picture of us and said she was going to put it in their newsletter. Again, I have no idea what kind of group this was. But hey, we made the newsletter!

Also, randomly throughout the week we all just kind of broke out into song. Twice we had a group walking around singing and we got people we didn't even know to sing with us. In one instance I believe we were singing Bohemian Rhapsody, so we probably can't take all the credit because seriously who doesn't sing along with Bohemian Rhapsody?

But my point is, when I was around those people I felt free to do whatever. I wasn't uncomfortable singing and being wacko, partially because everyone else was too, but also because I didn't feel like anyone was going to judge me. I felt safe around them. On Friday when we were all in our dorm rooms packing up, we all left our doors open and were singing songs from Enchanted. I pointed out that I must have felt comfortable around them, because I don't belt around just anybody. Seriously, if I sing around you it means I really trust you.

After being home for a week, I've noticed that I don't feel that free anymore. Being home, I start to just go back to my normal self. Which I don't necessarily like. I really loved who I was at camp, and how I was okay with making a fool of myself because that's been something I've struggled with for a long time. Normal Me likes to make sure no one sees me being stupid or weird. I don't want people to see me acting dumb because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me.

That's kind of my mission now that I'm home. Well, one of two missions but the other one would take up a whole blog post in itself. (maybe I'll get to that one.) But my mission is to try and keep that free-spiritedness (that's not a word, I'm aware.) that I had last week. To worry less about making a fool of myself in front of my friends, and more about being who I want to be, and who God wants me to be.

Wish me luck.
Lisa

Theatre Camp

So this past week I've been running around with a bunch of dramatic teenagers at Cedarville University and it was basically the greatest week of my life. We were all sleep deprived and caffeinated and just generally insane.

So the week started out and we were all awkward and uncomfortable and trying to make conversation. I think that lasted for about two hours before we were all acting like ourselves again. I would tell you what all we did on Monday night, but all the days kind of ran together so I don't remember specifically. I do remember that we were split into our two groups for the first time and got the scripts for our plays.

Over the rest of the week, we worked on the plays as well as doing classes in acting, improv, stage combat, makeup and costuming, so on and so forth. I think the favorite for all of us was probably the stage combat. I mean heck, what's not fun about pretending to punch your friends in the face? We all spent the rest of the week breaking out in random fights around campus.

Oh and then there was the fact that we got to see Wicked in Columbus on Wednesday. Which was basically the coolest thing ever. I personally have seen the show before, but this time was better. First of all I was with 23 other high schoolers who love the show as much as I do, whether or not they'd seen it before. I ended up sitting next to my roommate, and at the beginning of intermission I could just see the amazement on her face. But then also there was our seats. The first time I saw it I was in the second balcony and it was awesome. This time we were in orchestra seating about fifteen rows back and it was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. Oh and did I mention we got to meet a member of the ensemble? Because that happened. I think. I'm still kind of in shock about that one.

The next morning was hilarious and terrible at the same time. We didn't get home until about 1 in the morning and all of us were exhausted, so when we all met in the lobby of our dorm at 6:50 the next morning (although by the time everyone got there it was more like 7:10) everyone looked like they were asleep with their eyes open, but we were still so excited about the show we saw the night before.

Seriously, though, the week went too fast. I would have stayed for another three weeks if I could have and I'm pretty darn sure everyone else would have too. I'm honestly amazed at how well we all got along. It had to be a God thing that we ended up with the exact people we did, because there wasn't one person there that I didn't get along with. I was talking to my roommate Thursday night and we were saying how funny it was that on the first day we were so awkward and yet by the next day we were all best friends. I even feel close to the people who weren't in my group.

And so now we're all home and we're all complaining about how much we want to go back to camp. It's hard since we all live so far away from each other. I now have friends in Tennessee, Maryland, and Ontario. All of which are way too far away for my liking. Thank God for Facebook.

Anyway, if you need me I'll be over here trying to adjust back to real life.

Lisa

Writer's Block

So lately I've felt like I have this huge brick wall over the creative part of my brain. I keep trying to write, because I want to write, and it keeps ending very poorly. Sometimes I'll have an inkling of an idea and I'll open my journal to write it and nothing comes out and I end up writing the date, sitting there for five minutes, then crossing it off and going to do something else. It's like all my ideas are cowering behind the brick wall, and if one brave one tries to escape, it runs at full force and immediately smacks into the brick wall.

And I don't like this. I used to be able to write full scenes that took up like eight pages in my journal in one sitting, and now I can barely finish three pages and therefore end up stopping in the middle of a scene which I hate. And all my scenes are dull, and repetative, and just NOT FUN AT ALL ASDLFA;FOHFVNDSALKJ.

Whew. Okay sorry. So yeah. Well the point of this is, I've been sitting on a book idea since... I guess last June. I've been sitting on a book idea for an entire year and planned out characters and a bit of plot and (which characters I'm going to kill lol oops) and stuff like that. But I haven't done anything with it because I still don't have the entire plot mapped out and I don't know what to do in the boring in between bits and then I realized that THAT'S REALLY STUPID WHY ARE YOU STUPID LISA.

Because seriously, that's what a rough draft is for. I think the problem is I've tried many times(okay like twice) to write a whole book and both times I've stopped because it isn't good or I lose steam or I get busy with life or I just don't want to do it anymore. And I so desperately don't want to do that with this one because it's good and I really like it and I think other people will like it. I mean all my beta readers (aka best friends)have liked it so far, but you know they're my best friends so they're not going to say they hate it. Except Allye. She would tell me.

But yeah. So I've decided that the only way to break through the Brick Wall of Stupid is to just keep writing and making those little ideas slam into the wall until it finally breaks. So far I've written... well... two pages of this book. In two days. But you know what, I'm making progress.

So here's to perseverance. Or pigheadedness or whatever the heck you want to call it. Hopefully soon I'll have more exciting things to share.

Until next time
Stay classy.
Lisa