Hello there! If you are here looking for a new post from me, you aren't going to find one. I've decided it's time for me to leave this blog, for a few reasons.
1) I've had this blog for a long time, and it's kind of starting to feel cluttered to me.
2)I've hit a period of great change in my life and I think that deserves a new blog.
3)It's a pain in the butt logging out of my email every time I want to publish a new blog post because blogger and gmail decided they had to be integrated.
If you'd still like to keep up with me, my new blog can be found here.
It's been real!
Lisa
Tuesday, May 13
Monday, May 5
Things I'm Afraid Of
Alternately titled "What Distance Does"
113 miles.
2 and a half hours.
One girl.
Gone.
Visits occasionally.
Not enough.
One year.
Summer break.
Needs less.
Needed less.
"We should hang out."
We won't.
Visits school.
New Students.
Visits work.
New employees.
Visits friends.
New friends.
Slowly.
Maybe.
Inevitable.
Maybe.
Tragic?
Yeah.
113 miles.
2 and a half hours.
One girl.
Gone.
Visits occasionally.
Not enough.
One year.
Summer break.
Needs less.
Needed less.
"We should hang out."
We won't.
Visits school.
New Students.
Visits work.
New employees.
Visits friends.
New friends.
Slowly.
Maybe.
Inevitable.
Maybe.
Tragic?
Yeah.
Friday, April 11
The Tangled Web We Weave
So I promise I have a point to this blog post and I swear I'm going to get there, because for a little bit here this might sound like a girly rant. Hang in there with me. It'll be worth it.
As a girl, I have had crushes on guys since at least middle school. And I've noticed in recent years that my crushes tend to end pretty badly. Not because something happens between me and those people, but because something happens within myself that makes everything rather unpleasant.
The first thing I've noticed is that I have a very active imagination. And in that, I can start to turn the person I have a crush on into someone they're not. When I do that, I begin having a crush on my idea of that person, and not the person himself. And that's obviously an issue, because then the person is not what I want and I've sort of made them an idol. And we all know that's no good.
The other thing that I'm just recently figuring out is this; along with having a very active imagination, when I have a crush I begin to have hopes and expectations of closeness with the person on whom I place my affection that are absolutely ridiculous. Because obviously, person-I-have-a-crush-on, you know, has absolutely no idea that I like them (or at least that's how I try to keep it. For whatever reason.) This in turn has two by-products. Firstly, I feel like I start to get weird and desperate and I sort of hate myself when I do that. Secondly, when those expectations are inevitably unfulfilled, because they always are, I get disappointed and start to think that said person doesn't even like me as a person and I become very insecure. And that's a very unhealthy thing. Because it's then that my self-worth becomes wrapped up in someone who is not myself nor God and that isn't where I should be placing my worth as a human being.
Now this is where I get to the part where I actually make a point. It's really important for me to tell other girls these things that I have dealt with because to be honest it just really sucks.
So to other girls out there:
Your worth is not based upon how other people see you, even (especially) the person you like.
Don't think a guy doesn't like you because they don't change the way they act towards you when you start liking them.
Don't spend your time analyzing how they act towards you; I guarantee they aren't thinking it out as hard as you are.
And just in case I haven't said it clearly enough yet
You are not worthless because a certain guy doesn't like you. You do not become more worthwhile if they do. You are worth more than diamonds because God says you are and He created you and He loves you and He will never. Stop. Loving. You.
Stay fabulous,
Lisa
As a girl, I have had crushes on guys since at least middle school. And I've noticed in recent years that my crushes tend to end pretty badly. Not because something happens between me and those people, but because something happens within myself that makes everything rather unpleasant.
The first thing I've noticed is that I have a very active imagination. And in that, I can start to turn the person I have a crush on into someone they're not. When I do that, I begin having a crush on my idea of that person, and not the person himself. And that's obviously an issue, because then the person is not what I want and I've sort of made them an idol. And we all know that's no good.
The other thing that I'm just recently figuring out is this; along with having a very active imagination, when I have a crush I begin to have hopes and expectations of closeness with the person on whom I place my affection that are absolutely ridiculous. Because obviously, person-I-have-a-crush-on, you know, has absolutely no idea that I like them (or at least that's how I try to keep it. For whatever reason.) This in turn has two by-products. Firstly, I feel like I start to get weird and desperate and I sort of hate myself when I do that. Secondly, when those expectations are inevitably unfulfilled, because they always are, I get disappointed and start to think that said person doesn't even like me as a person and I become very insecure. And that's a very unhealthy thing. Because it's then that my self-worth becomes wrapped up in someone who is not myself nor God and that isn't where I should be placing my worth as a human being.
Now this is where I get to the part where I actually make a point. It's really important for me to tell other girls these things that I have dealt with because to be honest it just really sucks.
So to other girls out there:
Your worth is not based upon how other people see you, even (especially) the person you like.
Don't think a guy doesn't like you because they don't change the way they act towards you when you start liking them.
Don't spend your time analyzing how they act towards you; I guarantee they aren't thinking it out as hard as you are.
And just in case I haven't said it clearly enough yet
You are not worthless because a certain guy doesn't like you. You do not become more worthwhile if they do. You are worth more than diamonds because God says you are and He created you and He loves you and He will never. Stop. Loving. You.
Stay fabulous,
Lisa
Friday, March 7
Lisa Reviews: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
Reading. Rereading. Hanging out in Simon Snow forums, writing Simon Snow fanfiction, dressing up like the characters for every movie premier.
Cath's sister has mostly grown away from fandom, but Cath can't let go. She doesn't want to.
Now that they're in college, Wren has told Cath she doesn't want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. She's got a surly roommate with a charming, always-around boyfriend; a fiction-writing professor who thinks fanfiction is the end of the civilized world; a handsome classmate who only wants to talk about words... and she can't stop worrying about her dad, who's loving and fragile and has never really been alone.
For Cath, the question is: Can she do this? Can she make it without Wren holding her hand? Is she ready to start living her own life? And does she even want to move on if it means leaving Simon Snow behind?"
I was pleasantly surprised by this book. Actually, more than that. I was ecstatically surprised, if that's a thing. It's been a long time since I've read a book that was so good I couldn't put it down, and I honestly was not expecting this to be one of them. My hopes for this book were slim and none, but I decided to give it a try anyway; mostly because it seemed like everywhere I turned, there it was.
I think the title is what threw me off, because I honestly had no idea what the book was about before I read it. But the fact that it was called "Fangirl" gave me the impression that it was going to try too hard. The world of a fangirl is unjustifiably elitist and slightly hipster-ish and any book that inserts itself into this realm is going to make me nervous because odds are it's going to be cringey and awful.
My hopes were low.
Grand Canyon low
Bottom-of-the-ocean low
Dead Sea low
You get the picture. Needless to say, I was shocked when I blasted through one hundred pages in about an hour.
This story can best be described as a "coming-of-age story" as much as I hate the term (How do you come of age? Of what age are you coming? Do you just magically become an adult when you come of age?). And, aside from what the blurb on the inside flap leads you to believe, it's a story about relationships.
Cath Avery is a little bit like me. She sits in her room and writes a lot and drinks tea and owns a lot of sweaters. Unlike me, she writes a very successful fanfiction about the popular Simon Snow series (reminiscent of Harry Potter) that gets tens of thousands of hits every day. She used to write it with her twin sister, until they went to college and all Wren seemed to do was go to parties and get wasted with her roommate Courtney. And unlike what I was afraid of, she has a personality that is more than just her sweaters and nerdy-ness. She has trust issues because of her mom leaving when she was in third grade. She is fiercely protective of her father, who is never actually diagnosed in the book but is a little bit crazy and often buries himself in his work so much that he forgets to do normal things like sleep and do laundry. She is very mature, always making food for her dad and her sister and making sure they are taken care of.
Almost every other character in the book surprised me. Reagan, Cath's weird roommate, isn't exactly as she originally seems. She's big and scary and Cath thinks she hates her. And she never does get completely pleasant, but she and Cath become friends. They take care of each other even though they are so different. Reagan is still scary but she has a personality and isn't just big-scary-character who serves no purpose. Nick, a guy in Cath's fiction-writing class, surprises you in ways I won't say because that would totally spoil it. Professor Piper is someone you would expect to turn into a mother figure, but her relationship with Cath turns out to be different and nuanced. Levi is... well.. Levi is actually exactly how he seems when Cath meets him. And that's wonderful.
Also, this book is a romance. And a well written one. I was just about dancing for joy when I realized Cath getting the guy wasn't the end goal of the book. The relationship started about halfway through, and it started rocky. The relationship had its weirdness and awkwardness and I just wanted to praise the heavens for sending Rainbow Rowell to earth to demonstrate that romantic relationships take work and can still be good and lovely.(AND NO LOVE TRIANGLE!!!!!)
From a writing standpoint, this book had me happily sighing the entire time I read it. And sometimes saying "uck" because I wished I had thought of that sentence/phrase first. It is beautifully worded and completely believable. That was my favorite thing about the book. It was believeable. I could really believe that it was from the perspective of a scared college freshman. Which also resonated with me, as someone who is starting college this fall. But seriously, let's talk about the writing.
“Just … isn’t giving up allowed sometimes? Isn’t it okay to say, ‘This really hurts, so I’m going to stop trying’?”
“It sets a dangerous precedent.”
“For avoiding pain?”
“For avoiding life.”
Lastly, (well not lastly, but the last thing I'm going to talk about because this review is already too long) a thing I loved about this book was how honest it was about writing. In the beginning of the second half of the book, Cath talks to Professor Piper about a project she had trouble on.
"'When I'm writing my own stuff, it's like swimming upstream. Or... falling down a cliff and grabbing at branches, trying to invent the branches as I fall.'
'Yes' the professor said, reaching out and grasping the air in front of Cath, like she was catching a fly. 'That's how it's supposed to feel.'"
This book acknowledges the thing that no one ever seems to talk about; that writing is hard. It isn't all fun and games no matter how much you love it. You're going to get stuck and drop plot points and make character mistakes and get writers block and want to cry. And that's okay! That's what second drafts are for. And third and fourth and fifth. And it's never going to be perfect, and you have to accept that too, and accepting that is hard. Especially if you're a perfectionist, which I think most writers are.
Overall, I'd give this book 4.5 out of 5 stars. It was an easy read, a brilliant narrative, and a fantastic romance (Like. FANTASTIC.) There were a couple of weak spots, like how sometimes the Simon Snow excerpts got a little long and how she sort of dropped the ball on the exploration of letting things go. But it was beautifully written and explored all relationships, not just romantic ones.
So, I now have to get over my very large book hangover before I can move on.
Darn you Rowell and your gorgeous writing skills.
Lisa
(ppssstttt. This is my 100th post! Woah!)
Thursday, December 26
Humason Christmas: Logged
8:19 am
My siblings need to wake the heck up. I am not a patient person when it comes to Christmas morning.
8:54 am
Okay well my sister is awake but that still doesn't help me if we're missing my brother.
9:00 am
In my family it has apparently become the older sister's job to jump on my bed saying "IT'S CHRISTMAS IT'S CHRISTMAS!" She missed it today. So she just jumped on me instead.
9:15 am
As the youngest child, I think it is now my duty to wake up my brother and his wife. Granted, I have never used this privilege before but there's a first time for everything.
9:24 am
FINALLY they're awake now get your butts down here you can wait to shower.
9:49 am
Stockings: check.
10:01 am
Best. Coffee cake. Ever
11:35 am
I almost enjoyed watching people open the presents I gave them better than getting my presents.
11:45 am
But I mean I did get a curling wand....
12:13 pm
Who needs real food when we have snacks.
1:00 pm
"...And then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."
2:34 pm
A wild nap appears
3:46 pm
I'm no expert, but from what I can tell Settlers of Catan looks like an over-glorified game of go fish with some world domination mixed in.
5:03 pm
When is food
5:46
HAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM
6:18 pm
Yesterday I explained to a girl from China that Americans just celebrate everything with copious amounts of food. Case in point: this dinner.
6:38 pm
My stomach feels like it expanded a few inches.
6:42 pm
Brother-in-law: "I'm 9 months pregnant with dinner."
7:17 pm
Gaming
8:09 pm
Family games
8:38 pm
More family games
10:53 pm
I swear on the high heavens if I lose this game of Phase 10 I will stage a revolt.
11:00 pm
Sister upon winning the round: "*Smacks cards on table* Boom, friends."
11:38 pm
Making a comeback. I can still win this.
11:58 pm
GUESS WHO WAS THE FIRST TO FINISH HER TENTH PHASE
11:59 pm
And now to lie in wait to see who gets more points than me.
12:00 am
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
12:12 am
I sort of technically got second but basically I DIDN'T GET DEAD LAST.
12:26 am
As far as Christmases go, I can accept that maybe this hasn't been The Best Christmas Ever. But compared to last year it's like night and day. Because while I haven't gotten my favorite present ever, they have all been thoughtful and personal. And more than any gift I could have possibly gotten; all of my family is here, in-laws and all. For the first time, and possibly the last for a while. And I almost don't even care about the presents. I just want this time with my family to go on forever. I don't want to go back to real life. Because this is so much better. So all in all, though this isn't the fairy tale Perfect Christmas, it's one I will be able to cherish forever.
12:30 am
And now it is most definitely time for bed.
My siblings need to wake the heck up. I am not a patient person when it comes to Christmas morning.
8:54 am
Okay well my sister is awake but that still doesn't help me if we're missing my brother.
9:00 am
In my family it has apparently become the older sister's job to jump on my bed saying "IT'S CHRISTMAS IT'S CHRISTMAS!" She missed it today. So she just jumped on me instead.
9:15 am
As the youngest child, I think it is now my duty to wake up my brother and his wife. Granted, I have never used this privilege before but there's a first time for everything.
9:24 am
FINALLY they're awake now get your butts down here you can wait to shower.
9:49 am
Stockings: check.
10:01 am
Best. Coffee cake. Ever
11:35 am
I almost enjoyed watching people open the presents I gave them better than getting my presents.
11:45 am
But I mean I did get a curling wand....
12:13 pm
Who needs real food when we have snacks.
1:00 pm
"...And then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."
2:34 pm
A wild nap appears
3:46 pm
I'm no expert, but from what I can tell Settlers of Catan looks like an over-glorified game of go fish with some world domination mixed in.
5:03 pm
When is food
5:46
HAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM
6:18 pm
Yesterday I explained to a girl from China that Americans just celebrate everything with copious amounts of food. Case in point: this dinner.
6:38 pm
My stomach feels like it expanded a few inches.
6:42 pm
Brother-in-law: "I'm 9 months pregnant with dinner."
7:17 pm
Gaming
8:09 pm
Family games
8:38 pm
More family games
10:53 pm
I swear on the high heavens if I lose this game of Phase 10 I will stage a revolt.
11:00 pm
Sister upon winning the round: "*Smacks cards on table* Boom, friends."
11:38 pm
Making a comeback. I can still win this.
11:58 pm
GUESS WHO WAS THE FIRST TO FINISH HER TENTH PHASE
11:59 pm
And now to lie in wait to see who gets more points than me.
12:00 am
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
12:12 am
I sort of technically got second but basically I DIDN'T GET DEAD LAST.
12:26 am
As far as Christmases go, I can accept that maybe this hasn't been The Best Christmas Ever. But compared to last year it's like night and day. Because while I haven't gotten my favorite present ever, they have all been thoughtful and personal. And more than any gift I could have possibly gotten; all of my family is here, in-laws and all. For the first time, and possibly the last for a while. And I almost don't even care about the presents. I just want this time with my family to go on forever. I don't want to go back to real life. Because this is so much better. So all in all, though this isn't the fairy tale Perfect Christmas, it's one I will be able to cherish forever.
12:30 am
And now it is most definitely time for bed.
Monday, November 4
Princess Charming
Recently a lot of my Facebook friends have been posting links to articles from Christian blogs about marriage. I find them quite fascinating, so I've read a lot of them, but I'm noticing patterns beginning to emerge. A good portion of them are about how to pick the right man and the qualities and traits he should have. And they're all written by girls. And they're all perfectly accurate, but they're very idealistic.
I love Disney movies. I'm not kidding, I am borderline obsessed. And I adore Disney princesses. But I think growing up watching them has given me (and a lot of other people) this skewed idea that if we wait long enough our perfect Prince Charming will come sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous, and maybe you're thinking "I don't think that" but just hear me out. As a teenage girl, I think about boys a lot. Let's not even beat around the bush; it just comes with the territory. And I think a small part of me expects the one guy for me to do all the work. And if I think about that cognitively, I realize that's ridiculous. But if I let my emotions win over, that is how I truly think and I feel like I can't be alone in that.
We girls, especially Christian girls, have these perfect ideals for what our Prince Charming has to be like. You know, he has to be devoted to God and have a good work ethic and be humble. All of these things are good right? Right. And we all know that. At this point, I've heard it so much that these things have been drilled into my brain. But I think girls my age now need to stop focusing so much on their perfect Prince Charming and start focusing on themselves. Think about it: how is any wonderful guy like that going to fall for a plain old mediocre girl? Easy answer: he's not.
There's a great series by Andy Stanley called "The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating" which I believe you can find online, and in that series he uses the line "Be the person the person you're looking for is looking for." Just in case that was the most confusing sentence you've ever read (because it kind of is) here's a summary: If you want a humble guy, you need to work on being humble yourself. If you want a guy with a good work ethic, try to improve your own work ethic. If you want a guy who is devoted to God, devote yourself to God with zeal.
Someone who has cultivated himself to become the best he can be is not going to be interested in a girl who has done nothing to improve herself, the same way a girl isn't going to want a guy who is lazy and proud and apathetic. Relationships are a two way street. Says the 18 year old girl who has never been in a relationship in her life. That's not just romantic relationships, though. It pertains to every relationship. So if you're going to be in a romantic relationship, you have to fight to be your best self the same way you would in a friend relationship.
So keep thinking about what you want in a man, and start thinking about what you want in yourself.
Then go forth and be awesome.
Lisa
I love Disney movies. I'm not kidding, I am borderline obsessed. And I adore Disney princesses. But I think growing up watching them has given me (and a lot of other people) this skewed idea that if we wait long enough our perfect Prince Charming will come sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous, and maybe you're thinking "I don't think that" but just hear me out. As a teenage girl, I think about boys a lot. Let's not even beat around the bush; it just comes with the territory. And I think a small part of me expects the one guy for me to do all the work. And if I think about that cognitively, I realize that's ridiculous. But if I let my emotions win over, that is how I truly think and I feel like I can't be alone in that.
We girls, especially Christian girls, have these perfect ideals for what our Prince Charming has to be like. You know, he has to be devoted to God and have a good work ethic and be humble. All of these things are good right? Right. And we all know that. At this point, I've heard it so much that these things have been drilled into my brain. But I think girls my age now need to stop focusing so much on their perfect Prince Charming and start focusing on themselves. Think about it: how is any wonderful guy like that going to fall for a plain old mediocre girl? Easy answer: he's not.
There's a great series by Andy Stanley called "The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating" which I believe you can find online, and in that series he uses the line "Be the person the person you're looking for is looking for." Just in case that was the most confusing sentence you've ever read (because it kind of is) here's a summary: If you want a humble guy, you need to work on being humble yourself. If you want a guy with a good work ethic, try to improve your own work ethic. If you want a guy who is devoted to God, devote yourself to God with zeal.
Someone who has cultivated himself to become the best he can be is not going to be interested in a girl who has done nothing to improve herself, the same way a girl isn't going to want a guy who is lazy and proud and apathetic. Relationships are a two way street. Says the 18 year old girl who has never been in a relationship in her life. That's not just romantic relationships, though. It pertains to every relationship. So if you're going to be in a romantic relationship, you have to fight to be your best self the same way you would in a friend relationship.
So keep thinking about what you want in a man, and start thinking about what you want in yourself.
Then go forth and be awesome.
Lisa
Wednesday, October 23
I'm the Big Kid Now
So I really really love dance, but I'm not one of those crazy people who start when they're four and dance until their feet shrivel up and fall off. But because of this, I vividly remember the year I started dance. I remember my very first ballet class and how intimidated I was and exactly where I stood at the barre and who I was in class with.
This year I am going to competitions in pointe, and in order to do that I need to take a ballet class in addition to the one I already take. So here I am five years later in my senior year of high school taking the same level class I took when I was just starting and it's rather surreal. I'm not offended because I'm in this easy class or anything. Because first off I picked it and also I could really use the technique help so it's great. But it's weird to see from to opposite end of the spectrum compared to where I was five years ago. I can see how much I've grown as a dancer and a person and in work ethic and things like that. And it's also weird thinking about how when I started at The Dance Company all the senior girls looked so grown up and they were all such incredible dancers and I was kind of amazed and intimidated by them and I wanted to be like them. And it just seemed like they were so much older than me.
But now I look at the girls I'm in class with and I see how they're around the same age I was and I don't feel old enough for them to look up to me or be intimidated by me or see me as such a good dancer. And it's great because I'm taking it with one of my best friends who was also in that ballet class with me my first year and it's so surreal seeing how much we've both grown since then. I feel sort of like I've come full circle and I don't know what to do about it.
I have the same feeling with my best friend and her little sister. I am the baby of my family, and my only sister is eight years older than me. My best friend of 15 years is the second oldest child in her family, and her only sister is eight years younger than her. So for the past couple years I look at my friend's younger sister and I just see myself. And I see how much I looked up to my sister and my sister's best friend and I see how much she looks up to me and it's WEIRD.
But as weird of a sensation as this growing up thing is, I want to take note of this and remember how it feels because I am not ever going to be in this exact situation again. And I really want to be as wonderful and nice and nurturing to all these young girls as I can because I know what it's like to look up to the big girls and I don't want them to be disappointed the way I was sometimes.
Until next time friends,
Lisa
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